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24 Hour Hotline 1-800-863-9909
1-800-437-1220 (TTY)
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About Abuse

Do you sometimes think that if you change how you look or act…if you find the right tone of voice or say just the right words…if you work hard not to aggravate your partner…then things will be different?

Do you ever think that if you become more lovable, he’ll be more loving – and the abuse will stop?

If this thinking sounds familiar, you’re certainly not alone. 

And if this sounds familiar, here are some other things to think about…

  • Abuse isn’t your fault. It’s his choice. And it can be a crime.
  • Walking on eggshells trying to please your partner will not stop the abuse. In fact, studies show that with time, the abuse will most likely become more frequent and more violent.
  • Drugs and alcohol do not cause abuse. If your partner drinks or takes drugs, he or she may need treatment for those problems, but that treatment will not change the abusive behavior. If he really wants to change, he should participate in a qualified batterer intervention program where he can learn about violence and practice skills that will help him understand and stop abusive behavior.
  • Separating from your partner won’t guarantee the abuse will stop. It may continue in new and unpredictable ways.
  • You deserve to be treated with love and respect – and to take care of yourself. A good first step is to talk with someone who cares and understands. Call our hotline at 1.800.863.9909 or one of the domestic abuse programs in your area.

Domestic abuse affects women and men; gay and lesbian partners; people who are living together, separated or dating; and people of all ages, income and education levels, ethnic groups, and faiths. 

Since many more women suffer from abuse than men, we use the word “he” when referring to abusers.  If you are a man and are being abused by your female or male partner, we care about you too.  Please call our hotline and ask for help.   


Is someone abusing you?  Take our quiz…and check out the Power and Control Wheel.